When I Still Remembered You
by AwkwardJello
Summary: John wakes up with no memory of who he is, where he is, and how he got there. All he remembers is one name: Alexander.
1. Chapter 1

John's POV

Alexander.

That was all I remembered. Just that one name, Alexander. I don't know who Alexander is, or why he-or maybe she?-is so important to me, but it kept echoing in my head with a certainty I couldn't describe.

Other than that, I didn't remember who or where I was, or how the heck I even got there in the first place.

The area I woke up in was covered in grass. How did I know this was grass? I could make out some shade of green on the ground. Plus, it kept tickling my face when I woke up lying on my back. I looked around at my surroundings. The sky was dark, and I saw strange shapes sticking up from the ground. I stood up, and was surprised to find I was taller than these shapes. Some of them were rectangular, and others were in the shape of a cross-wait.

My stomach churned, realizing I was in a cemetery. For some reason, the mention of a cemetery gave me chills down my spine, so I ran out of there as fast as I could. I eventually found my way to some gates, and exited the cemetery. It occurred to me now that it had been raining. Puddles lined the sidewalks of the-I'm guessing this is a city. Buildings towered 40 feet over my head. Some of them were old and decrepit, and others were newer and were made of shining steel.

I peered into a nearby puddle and was shocked to see a young man peer back up at me. He had green eyes and curly brown hair that was tied back into a ponytail. Numerous freckles were scattered across his face. So this was what I looked like. I looked down at myself and saw I was wearing a gray T-shirt, beige shorts, and sneakers. I reached into the pockets of my shorts and pulled out … a wallet? There were a couple dollars in there and a note. The note read: I'm not supposed to help you out, but I figured you would need this. Use wisely, and good luck:)

I was even more confused than ever. Who wrote this note, and what were they wishing me luck for?

Alexander. The name repeated itself in my head again. Maybe… maybe my name is Alexander. Why else would I remember it so clearly? I looked into the puddle at my reflection again. I looked like an Alexander. Maybe I _am_ Alexander.

 _Unless Alexander is the one who wrote the note_ , I thought. No. For some reason, I strongly felt that an Alexander couldn't have written the note. And besides, two people can have the same name, right? I decided that until I found out more about myself, my name was Alexander.

There was no point in me just standing around, so I started walking on the sidewalk, hoping maybe I would see someone who could help me. It was still nighttime, and the sky wasn't showing any sign of brightening anytime soon. Maybe that was why there was no one out. Everyone was probably sleeping.

Which was why this was the perfect opportunity to sneak around and gather some info about this place before meeting its residents. I stopped at a wall that was covered with graffiti. The red spray-painted letters read: Welcome to New York City-you made a mistake. I gulped. That was a welcoming sight.

I did learn some things, though. I was in a place called New York City, and some of the people living here were edgy. Hopefully, there was someone who would be willing to help me figure out what was going on.

My eyes scanned the buildings, and landed on what appeared to be a coffee shop. It read "Starbucks Coffee," and was marked with a logo of a woman in green. Unfortunately, the shop was closed, so I would have to wait until it was daytime to get something to eat there.

I yawned. It was still dark out. Might as well get some sleep and get ready to talk to strangers tomorrow. I walked some more, looking for a spot where I could safely settle down and rest.

There was a park nearby, with trees large enough to probably shield me from plain sight. I chose to sleep under a tree that had broad leaves and widespread branches. That way, I would be partially hidden by the large shadow the tree would cast in the daytime. I curled up into a tight ball at the base of the trunk and listened to the sound of crickets for a moment. Eventually, the noise lulled me to sleep.

* * *

 _Please, give me another chance!_

I woke up with a jolt, and accidentally banged my head into the tree trunk. I hissed and let out a stream of curses that I strangely remembered using. I rubbed the back of my head, wondering what that dream was about. Who was that voice? Another chance at what?

I groaned. I had hoped to get rest by sleeping, and instead I only got more questions. My stomach growled.

 _I should probably get some food_ , I thought. _Maybe that Starbucks is open now._ I got up and let my stomach guide me in the direction of the coffee shop.

Alex's POV

John.

That was all I could think about. Just that one name, John. It had been three weeks since the funeral, and I missed him so badly it hurt. I knew Lafayette and Hercules were trying their best to get my mind off of him, but nothing seemed to work. My head kept replaying that horrible scene, over and over. The hospital bed. The blood. The line on the heart monitor flattening out. His beautiful green eyes glancing at me for the last time, before closing permanently.

Tears welled up in my eyes. Laf patted my back soothingly, but I didn't feel it.

"Mon ami, are you okay?" Laf asked me, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine," I answered. "I just… miss him so much, is all."

"Alex, we all do," Herc said. He and Laf had been taking me on a walk through the park in an attempt to cheer me up, Herc on my left while Laf was on my right. "But you gotta stop being so depressed all the time. John wouldn't want that, y'know."

I wanted to scream at him. _Easy for you to say_ , I thought bitterly. _You've never had your boyfriend of two years get killed by some drunk truck driver. Do you know how much he meant to me?! He was my everything!_ But instead of this, I dully replied, "I know."

"Say, why don't we get you some coffee?" Laf suggested cheerfully. "I see a Starbucks up ahead."

We had reached the park's exit. Or entrance. Didn't really matter. There was an open gate there, and we walked through it. Sure enough, there was a Starbucks waiting for us on the block across. I wasn't really in the mood for coffee. Then again, I wasn't really in the mood for anything. But I also felt pretty bad about Laf and Herc. I was already making everything hard for them by sulking and ignoring their attempts at comforting me. So, to show I still cared about them, I nodded. They exchanged hopeful glances with each other before smiling at me.

"That's the spirit, man!" Herc grinned, and gave me a hard pat on the back. I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

As we were waiting for the traffic light to turn red, I caught a glimpse of a boy across the street. I didn't see his face, but my eyes widened when they saw the fluffy ponytail.

"John," I whispered softly. Suddenly, I was yelling across the street. "John! John!" I waved my hands wildly in the air to catch his attention.

"Mon ami, what on earth are you yelling about?" Laf grabbed my hands and pulled them down. He and Herc looked at me worriedly.

A few passersby gave me funny looks before moving on. "Sorry, my friend gets giddy really easily," Herc apologized to them. Then he quickly turned to me. "What's up with you?" he whispered.

I didn't answer. I kept my eyes trained on that mess of curly hair. Then a truck passed by, and he was gone. God, I hate trucks.

I looked at my friends, who were looking at me like I was crazy. Which I probably was, but I didn't care.

"I-I saw him," I said excitedly. "I saw John!" I pointed across the street.

Laf and Herc looked in the direction my finger pointed. They saw nothing out of the blue.

"Alex, I think the lack of sleep is finally getting to you…" Herc said.

"What? No, I swear, I saw John _right across the street_ just now! Alive!"

"Come on, mon petit lion, let's get you some coffee." Laf gently tugged me across the street. I sighed in frustration and crossed the street with my friends.

Maybe… maybe I was just hallucinating. After all, the only time I saw John now was when I was sleeping, when I dreamed about him. The only time when I got any comfort at all from pretending he was still here with me.

We entered the café, which was already bustling with people getting their morning coffee. Laf went to reserve seats for us, while Herc and I joined the long line to order.

"Tell me what you want, Alex, and I'll pay for it," Hercules told me.

"Herc, I can pay for my own coffee," I reassured him. "Just because I'm grieving doesn't mean I don't know how to put money on a counter."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, you and Laf have done so much for me already. I don't wanna add to your burdens."

He shook his head. "If you say so." Then he grinned playfully. "But you should know, Laf and I are more than happy to take care of you, you big baby."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."

John's POV

I looked over the menu, deciding what to order. Suddenly, I was at the front of the line, and it was my turn to order.

"Um, a butter croissant, please," I nervously told the lady at the counter.

"Name?"

"Um, that's the thing," I started. "I… don't really remember what my name is. You see-"

The lady gave me an exasperated look. "Just give any name, honey."

I felt the back of my neck warm up. "Okay, Alexander." I paid for the croissant, and waited for it at the pickup area. So much for my first interaction with a New Yorker.

Alex's POV

"Hey look, it's Peggy!"

Hercules pointed at the pickup area where people were getting their muffins and sandwiches. I looked over and saw a girl with her dark, curly hair pulled back into a ponytail. She was putting a croissant into the microwave to heat it up. I couldn't help but smile at how content she looked with her job. The youngest Schuyler sister made brief eye contact with us and waved. We grinned and waved back.

Herc and I were almost at the front of the line, when we heard Peggy call out, "Alexander!"

I immediately looked over at Peggy, but she didn't seem to be focused on me.

 _Must be another Alexander._ Suddenly, I heard a scream. Then I saw who she was gawking at.

It was him. Fluffy ponytail, freckles, bewildered green eyes. _It was him! Alive!_

Peggy continued to scream, and he backed away and ran out the door. Despite how long we had been waiting to order our coffee, Herc and I stepped out of the line. Herc rushed to Peggy's side. Meanwhile, I frantically made my way past the small crowd of people entering the Starbucks.

"Well, look who we have here," one of them sneered at me. The boy towering over me had poofy, black hair.

Normally, I would've snarled back at Jefferson, but I was too desperate to get out the door that I didn't care what he said to me.

" _Get out of my way!_ " I shoved past him and made it outside. I looked frantically left and right to see where John might've gone. It was too late. He was nowhere to be seen.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: In response to holoitsme's review, I can see why you would think of Heroes of Olympus lol, but that's not what I'm going for here. Okay on to the story!**

Alex's POV:

Frustrated, I stormed back inside, where a confused Jefferson was waiting for me.

"What was that all about, Hamilton?" I ignored him, and made my way over to Peggy, Hercules, and now, Lafayette.

"I-I saw him," Peggy was stammering to them now. "I saw John!" Her eyes were wide with disbelief and shock.

"Peggy, calm down," Herc was telling her.

"You were probably just seeing things," Laf added.

Peggy rapidly shook her head. "No, I _know_ I saw John! I'm certain it was him!" Herc and Laf exchanged worried glances with each other.

"I saw John, too," I said. Peggy looked at me gratefully, then gave Hercules and Lafayette a look that said, "See?"

Herc muttered, "First Alex, and now you." He shook his head. "You both must be going crazy. It's impossible that you saw John, much less John _alive_."

"But he was!" Peggy and I both said in unison.

"Maybe you saw someone who _looked_ like John," Laf suggested. "Maybe there's someone out there in the city who also has freckles and curly hair."

Peggy frowned. She looked down at the countertop, considering this possibility. Just then, the manager popped her head out of a room in the back of the shop. She did not look pleased.

"Margarita Schuyler," she called out.

Peggy gulped. "Yes, ma'm?"

"I want to talk to you for a moment." Peggy headed to the back of the shop, where she was presumably getting chastised for causing a ruckus and scaring away a customer. A few minutes later, she came back out, her head hanging in shame.

"You okay, Peggy?" I asked. She nodded, forcing a smile onto her face, though her eyes said otherwise. She walked back to her place by the microwave and stared dejectedly at the croissant that John never took.

Laf reached across the countertop and squeezed her hand. "It's okay, mon cher," he assured his girlfriend. "Everyone makes mistakes." Peggy blushed at his touch and smiled a bit more brightly at him. Watching these two, I felt a pang of envy.

"Let's get back in line," I told Hercules. "Since we lost our place in line before." He nodded, and once again, we were waiting at the back of the line.

"So… you're not going to go hunting for John?" Herc joked.

I rolled my eyes. "Even if I wanted to, which I do, I wouldn't know where to start. This _is_ a pretty big city." I sighed. I wonder where John is now.

John's POV:

I ran out of that shop fast. I wasn't sure why that girl screamed when she saw me, but I wasn't about to stick around to find out. I probably did something wrong, through I don't remember being anything but polite.

I ran into the park, where I stopped under a tree to catch my breath. When I finally calmed down, I listened to see if anyone was chasing after me. All I heard was the occasional bird, the rustle of the leaves in the wind, and-

 _Grrr._

My stomach.

 _Shit, I forgot to grab my croissant before I left._

"Great!" I muttered sarcastically to myself. "Now what am I supposed to eat?" Even worse, I had used up $2.45 for nothing. My first day in New York City was going _swell._

I looked around for another source of food. Maybe there was another restaurant nearby. Luckily, there was a food truck selling hot dogs parked outside another entrance to the park.

I walked towards the food truck, then paused for a moment.

 _I need to think this through_ , I thought. _Last time, that girl screamed when she saw me, meaning she must have recognized me from somewhere. Now that I think about it, I didn't do anything wrong._ Suddenly, a terrifying thought hit me. _Oh my god, what if I'm a wanted criminal?! What if just looking like me is gonna get me in trouble? I could cover myself with dirt so they wouldn't see my face. No, that would only look suspicious. Not to mention pretty weird._

I sighed. I was gonna have to hope I wasn't a fugitive.

I shyly walked up to the food truck and stood in front of the window in the truck's side. I waited for

one of the guys in the truck to notice me, and held my breath. _Please don't let me be a criminal, please don't let me be a criminal, please do-_

"Yes?" the man asked in a gruff voice.

I let out my breath, relieved. "A hot dog, please," I answered, putting on a smile to show I was friendly. To my surprise, the man smiled back.

The other man in the food truck gave the first man a hot dog, who handed it to me. "That'll be two dollars, buddy."

I gladly paid and devoured my hot dog in five minutes.

"You must be pretty hungry, kid." I looked up and saw the man had been watching me eat. My face flushed in embarrassment, and I nodded. The man chuckled. "Did you eat breakfast?" I shook my head. "Not much of a talker, are you?" I shrugged.

"I mean, I haven't really interacted with anyone that much," I admitted.

The man looked surprised. "But it's New York City! Surely you must've seen at least ten people by now!"

"I did, but this girl screamed when she saw me. I kinda got scared and ran off." I looked down at my shoes sheepishly. Was it really a good idea to tell this man everything?

The man looked at me curiously. "You're new here, aren't you?"

"Yeah…"

"Know anyone here?"

"No…"

"What's your name, kid?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I don't exactly remember, but I think it's Alexander."

"How do you not remember your name?"

I decided to leave out the details. "It's a long story," I said.

The man didn't pry any further. Instead, he introduced himself. "The name's Billy." He stuck out his hand.

Not wanting to be awkward, I shook it. "Nice to meet you, Billy."

"If you ever feel you have no one to talk to, Alexander," Billy said, using my supposed name, "Feel free to stop by anytime. This truck's going nowhere."

"Thanks, Billy." I took a step backwards. "Well, I'll be going now. Bye!" I waved at him as I jogged away, not wanting to disturb his business any more than I already did. He waved back.

I felt a tingle of excitement. _I did it. I made a friend. Or at least, I know_ somebody _now._ I smiled to myself as I made my way through the bustling traffic of New York City.

Alex's POV:

I stared out the window, hoping I would spot a certain freckled face out there. Unfortunately, I didn't.

"Yo, Alex, you paying attention?" Hercules nudged my shoulder, bringing my eyes back to our small group.

"Huh?"

"As I was saying," Peggy continued, "We're throwing a party tomorrow, and you. Are. Inviiiteed." She stretched out the last word in order to make sure I heard her.

I was confused. "A party for what?"

"Just a party!" Peggy replied with a grin. "A party for partying!"

"That doesn't—"

"Alex." Peggy took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know you're not over John yet, but you can't stay depressed forever. It breaks my heart to see you like this. It breaks _all_ of our hearts to see you like this. So, to help you loosen up, Angelica, Eliza, and I booked a spot at this karaoke place." She narrowed her eyes. "And you _better_ come. We had to lie and tell them it was for Eliza's birthday in order to get 50% off."

"Peggy, you really don't—" I was cut off by Lafayette.

"Mon ami, you are going. Even if we have to drag you out of your room half-naked, we will."

"Yeah," Peggy said. "Except, please don't."

I slumped back in my seat, defeated. "Fine," I huffed.

Peggy smiled. "Great! We're see you at this address on Sunday." She gave Lafayette a small piece of paper and a kiss on the cheek. The Frenchman blushed, and I could practically _see_ the hearts in his eyes. "Looks like it's my shift now, bye!" Peggy waved and took her place behind the counter again.

"Hey Alex, you done with your coffee yet?" Herc asked me, just as I raised my coffee cup to my lips, only to find it empty.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Great, let's go." He and Laf got up and pulled me up with them.

"Where are we going? We don't have any classes today," I said as I was dragged out the door.

Herc snorted. "Of course we don't. It's Saturday."

"Are you excited for summer break? Two more school days and it's PEACE OUT!" Laf made peace signs with his fingers and thrusted them into the air.

"Not to mention the Fourth of July fireworks coming up. Isn't that—" Herc stopped. "Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_ ," I muttered, glaring at him.

"Um…" he scratched the back of his head. "I forgot…"

"Hey, why don't we go play badminton at the park?" Lafayette piped up, before this could get any more awkward. "We'll stop by the apartment to get the equipment, then we'll go straight to the park."

"Laf, you know I'm bad at sports, right?"

"You're also bad at having fun."

"Ooh," Herc chimed in. "The ham just got roasted by a French fry."

I glared as hard as I could at the two of them, trying not to let a laugh slip through. My efforts must have been in vain, because Laf's eyes widened.

"Oh mon Dieu, he's smiling! Look, Hercules!" He turned me around so that I was facing Herc. "Mon petit lion is smiling!"

Hercules pumped his fist in the air and whooped. "Yes! We must be doing something right _at last_!"

I rolled my eyes. "Let's just get the badminton stuff."

My two friends exchanged happy looks. "He wants to play badminton!" Hercules cried.

"I know! We are _definitely_ doing something right!"

I chuckled. "He chuckled!"

"Alright, can we walk more and talk less?"

"Alexander Hamilton wants to talk LESS?!" Lafayette shrieked.

"That's it." I sprinted off into a run towards the apartment I shared with Laf and Herc. Soon after, they were also running to catch up to me, the three of us laughing the entire way.

* * *

The day of the party had come, and while I knew it would just be me, Lafayette, Hercules, and the Schuyler sisters, I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. It had been a while since I last went to a party, so I had a lot on my mind. For example—

"Does this look good on me?" I asked Laf, showing him the black button-down shirt I was wearing. "Or should I go for something more casual?"

Laf rolled his eyes. "I believe that's casual enough, mon ami."

"Is my ponytail okay? Does it look like a rat's nest?"

"You're caring a lot more about this party than I thought you would," Herc said, coming into my room just then.

"I mean, I haven't been to one in so long."

Herc grabbed my shoulders. "Dude, it's just a casual get-together, not some ball." He stepped back. "You look great. Don't worry about it." He grinned. "The only thing that matters is that you have fun." He and Laf walked out of my room. "We'll give you five more minutes to get ready. But hurry: Angelica will have our heads if we're late!" he called over his shoulder.

Surprisingly, we arrived at the karaoke place on time. That didn't mean the Schuylers weren't there before us, though.

I had to admit: each sister looked stunning in her own way. Peggy's hair was done up in her usual puffy ponytail, and she wore a yellow off-the-shoulder top with some black shorts and matching black boots. Her entire outfit was screaming "badass." Angelica had on a ruffled pink top and white skinny jeans, plus white high heels. Her hair was in a bun, giving her a casual but also sophisticated look. Eliza wore a white blouse that, along with her light blue skirt, went well with her long black hair and made her look like the innocent cinnamon roll she was.

Angelica looked up as we approached. "Finally!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "About time you came!"

"Hey, guys!" Eliza greeted, looking at Laf, Herc, and lastly, me.

"Laffy!" Peggy wrapped her arms around Lafayette's neck and kissed him.

"Hey, baby," Laf cooed, grinning down at her. As close as I was to gagging, they did look pretty cute together. Laf's purple hoodie complimented Peggy's top, making me wonder if they chose those clothes on purpose.

"Alright everyone, let's go!" Angelica practically shoved all of us through the door.

The karaoke place was pretty dark for the most part. We went into a room that was labeled "Reserved: Schuyler." There were snacks waiting for us inside. Peggy, Lafayette, and Herc immediately dove for them. Seriously, sometimes I felt my friends were more pig than human.

"Guys, don't start munching on the food so soon!" Angelica chided.

Peggy rolled her eyes. "Buth I luff footh!" she retorted with a mouth full of chips.

While they continued their food fest, I felt someone's hand brush against mine. I looked up and was met with Eliza's concerned face.

"Are you… okay?" she asked quietly.

"Uh, yeah," I said, mustering a smile.

Eliza looked down at her shoes. "I'm sorry about John," she said. "I know how much he meant to you."

I reached out and squeezed her hand. I could've sworn I saw a blush appear on her face. "It's fine, Eliza," I assured her. "Thanks for asking. I know you and your sisters put this party together to help make me feel better, and… I appreciate it."

She beamed at me, and opened her mouth to say something, when Angelica loudly clapped her hands together. "Alright! Alright! That's what I'm talking about!" She gestured to Herc, who had found a book with a list of songs in them. "Let's get this party started!"

"I call first pick!" Peggy cried. She snatched the book and flipped through it.

"Guys, let Alex get the first pick," Eliza said. "He's been through a lot. He deserves it."

"It's ok, Eliza. I don't really do singing," I said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

I nodded. "Besides," I pointed over to the karaoke screen. "I think Peggy already chose a song." I smirked. "Looks like she's gonna do a duet with Laf."

"Laffy, you're singing this with me!" Peggy dragged Laf, who was shaking his head in amusement, over to stand in front of the screen.

The next few hours flew by pretty fast. I ended up having more fun than I thought I would. I sang three solos and two duets, one with Eliza and the other with Peggy. Then somewhere in the middle of it all, Peggy grabbed a spoon and catapulted some guacamole at Hercules' face.

"Oh, you're on!" Herc shouted, and a food fight started. He threw chips at Peggy, who ducked behind Lafayette, who ended up getting hit. Lafayette lobbed cherries at Herc, which ended up hitting Angelica. Somehow, Eliza and I ended up getting roped in as well.

I smiled to myself as I entered the boys' bathroom. I had decided to drop out of the food fight early. There was one other guy in the bathroom, and I knew better than to stare at someone while they're using the urinal.

I wiped some sour cream off of my cheek and brushed the chip crumbs off my shirt. I looked at myself in the mirror, and bursted out laughing.

I looked ridiculous. There was guacamole stuck in my hair, which was sticking out at ridiculous angles. It looked as if a bird tried to build a nest on my head with food. The sour cream was not only on my cheek, but my forehead as well. Not to mention the salsa stain on my right shoulder.

I died even more when Laf came in looking like he tried to put on a guac-flavored face mask.

"What happened?" I asked, wheezing at the sight of him.

He glared at me. "Hercules smashed the whole bowl into my face." He looked me up and down. "You look just as bad as me, you know."

"Well, I'm not the one who took a trip to the food spa."

We were too busy laughing to notice the guy at the urinal leaving.

John's POV:

I learned something else about New York City. You weren't supposed to pee on the trees if you needed to go. I learned this the hard way when a middle-aged woman yelled at me and her kids laughed at me like, well, little kids. Extremely embarrassed, I apologized quickly(were you supposed to say sorry for peeing on trees?) and ran away at lightning speed.

That was three hours ago. Now, I was frantically looking for an actual bathroom to use. Three restaurants already kicked me out because "I wasn't a paying customer." I saw a building with the word "Karaoke" on it.

 _Where have I seen that word before?_ I wondered. _Doesn't matter. I really, really NEED TO GO!_

I ran inside the building and looked for an employee there. I found a person in a black uniform with the same word, karaoke, on it.

"Excuse me, miss?" I tapped her shoulder gently to get her attention. She turned to me. "Do you know where the bathroom is? Please, I _really_ need to go."

She pointed down the hall. "You'll see a sign labeled 'Restroom' over there."

"Thank you, miss!" I said gratefully, and hurried off in the direction the lady had pointed.

Sure enough, there was a sign that read "Men's Restroom" outside a door. I pushed it open and practically ran to the nearest urinal. While I was doing my business, another man walked in. I paid no attention to him until I heard him laughing.

 _Oh my god, is he laughing at me?_ I panicked, and looked over my shoulder.

To be honest, I almost ended up laughing too. He had food stuck in his hair and his clothes. And he was giggling at his reflection. I decided to focus on the boy himself instead of the mess he was in in order to avoid laughing at him. I didn't need to make someone else mad today. I was surprised to see the boy looked around my age. He had dark brown hair that was tied back into a ponytail and some stubble on his chin. He was skinny and wore a black button-down shirt and some blue jeans. Aside from the food, he was… actually pretty cute.

I immediately looked away, blushing furiously. What am I doing, gawking at some guy while I was using the bathroom?! Oh yeah. I was still at the urinal. I pulled my pants back up and shyly walked over to the sink to wash my hands. The boy and I were now standing _next to each other_. I focused on my hands instead of my neighbor.

Luckily, he was distracted by a third boy who had walked in. He was taller than the first one and had his black hair in a bun. Like the first boy, he was also a mess. I bit my lip to stop myself from snickering at the guacamole plastered onto his face. As I washed my hands, I listened in on their conversation.

"What happened?" the cute boy asked, laughing his head off.

"Hercules smashed the whole bowl into my face," his friend answered. Was that a French accent I caught in his voice? The Frenchman continued. "You look just as bad as me, you know." Yup, definitely a French accent.

"Well, I'm not the one who took a trip to the food spa," the first boy retorted.

My hands were squeaky clean now, so I left the two boys in the bathroom.

 **A/N: Hope ya'll don't mind that I included Leggy in this. Sorry but I don't really ship Mullette that much.**


	3. Chapter 3

Alex's POV:

The party was over, and we were saying goodbye and getting ready to head home.

"I'm going to have one heck of a shower tonight," Herc muttered, sniffing his arm and wrinkling his nose.

"Oui, you smell like sriracha."

"That's because _she_ squirted the bottle of sriracha sauce onto my head!" Herc pointed accusingly at Peggy, who stuck her tongue out in response.

"Hmph, serves you right!" Lafayette crossed his arms. "That's for putting all that guac into my face!"

While they were arguing over who got to shower first, Eliza quietly sidled up to me.

"Hey," she said, smiling shyly.

"Hey," I answered, smiling back.

"Did you have fun?" She bit her lip hesitantly, nervous.

"As a matter of fact, I did," I replied. "Thank you," I added.

She blushed. "It's no problem. I—we just want you to be happy. That would be enough."

We heard shouting and whooping, and looked up. Laf and Herc were running off, probably racing to see who would get to the apartment first.

"Well, I gotta go now," I said. "Those two will need a referee if things get ugly." I waved and was about to jog off, when Eliza grabbed my arm.

"Wait!"

I turned to her. "Yeah?"

She was definitely blushing now. I noticed Angelica was watching us, and when we made eye contact she cleared her throat. "Come on, Peggy," she whispered to her younger sister. She winked at Eliza, making her blush even more. They left, and we were alone now.

"Alex," Eliza said. "Is there… a possibility that you would consider being with someone else once you move on from John?"

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

She looked down at her flats. "I know you'll always love John, but I just want to know… would you consider maybe finding a new girlfriend? Or boyfriend!" she quickly added.

It was slowly dawning on me what she was hinting at here. "Eliza," I whispered softly. "Do you—"

"I like you, Alex," she blurted out. "I've always had a crush on you. But then you got with John, so I decided to hold back my feelings." She looked ashamed now. A feeling of guilt welled up in my stomach. _I hadn't realized…_ She continued. "I know I'll never exactly replace John, but if you could give me a chance… would you?"

I stared back at her, unsure how to answer. On one hand, I felt I would be betraying John if I decided to start dating someone else. On the other hand, John _would_ want me to move on. Besides, Eliza was a sweet girl. She had waited so long for this, even considering my feelings the entire time.

"I need some time to think about this," I said.

Her hopeful face fell, but she smiled up at me anyway. "Take your time," she said. "Tell me your answer when you're ready." She kissed me on the cheek and waved goodbye, then walked away to her sisters, who were waiting at a distance out of earshot.

Dazed, I walked back home, thinking about Eliza's offer the entire way. I opened the door to my apartment, and found Hercules waiting outside the bathroom. Apparently, a certain Frenchman had won the race.

"Hurry up, Laf!" he shouted, pounding on the door. "I don't know how much longer I can take this stench!" The only response he got was Lafayette singing in French and the sound of running water. "Ugh," Herc muttered. He looked up, and saw me. "Oh, hey Alex." He gestured to the door. "How do you say, 'Please hurry the f up!' in French?"

"I heard that!" Laf shouted from inside.

"Good!" Hercules shouted back. He noticed me lost in thought, and walked over to snap his fingers in my face. "Hey Alex, yoohoo!"

I blinked in surprise. "H-huh?"

He looked at me incredulously. "You're doing an awful lot of thinking today, aren't you?"

"Um… yeah."

"Is it—lemme guess—John?"

"Uh, no, actually."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." I must not have sounded convincing, because Herc huffed out a sigh.

"Alex, you really need to let go—"

"It's not John, it's Eliza!" I exploded, frustration pouring out in my voice.

Herc opened his mouth, then closed it. He squeezed his eyes shut and held up an index finger as if to say, "Wait, hold on." He looked like he was trying to swallow this new information. Finally, he opened his eyes and asked, "How, exactly, did _Eliza_ get into your head?"

Well, no beating around the bush now. Should've kept your mouth shut, Alex. "She asked me out," I replied bluntly.

Herc's eyes widened, and his mouth formed an O shape. " _Oh_ ," he said, now understanding.

"What did I miss?" Lafayette had emerged from the bathroom. His hair was down instead of in its usual bun, so I mistook him for Jefferson at first.

Herc was so shocked by the news about Eliza, he forgot he and Laf were fighting over the shower earlier. He turned to Laf, who looked thoroughly confused with the smirk on Herc's face.

"Why do you look like the cat who swallowed the canary?" Laf asked.

"Well, you see, _Alex_ here—"

"—got asked out by Eliza," I finished before he could make this any more embarrassing.

Lafayette blinked several times. Finally, he let out an eagle-like screech. "Aaaahhhh! Mon petit lion got asked out! Mon petit lion got asked out! Mon petit—"

"Shut up, bordel de merde."

Laf ignored my remark and continued to grin at me like an idiot. "Well…?"

"Well what?"

"Well, did you say yes?"

"I said I'll think about it," I said, rubbing the back of my neck.

Laf frowned. "But this might be your second chance at happiness!" he argued.

"He's not wrong, Alex," Herc said. "You've been so upset over John, I think it's about time you _really_ moved on. Eliza might be your best shot at it."

I looked away from my friends and down at the floor. "I don't know. I mean, Eliza's sweet and all, but I'm not sure if I really like her that way."

"You won't know unless you try," Laf singsonged. It was clear which side he was on. "Don't get me wrong: Lams will forever be my OTP, but your happiness is my top priority right now."

"Same here," Herc said.

"Anyway," I said, trying to change the subject. "When are you going to get rid of that sriracha smell, Herc?"

It was then that Herc remembered he still reeked of spicy sriracha sauce. "Oh, I almost forgot to ask." He glared at Lafayette. "What the hell took you so long to shower?!"

Lafayette glared back and flipped his hair like a fashion model. "You have no idea how much shampoo I need for my hair to shamPOOF!" he cried indignantly, patting his head of curls.

"Whatever," Herc muttered as he went over to the bathroom and slammed the door closed, locking it.

"Anyway, what do you guys want for dinner?" I asked.

Laf was confused. "Didn't we eat already?"

I planted my hands on my hips. "Chips and guac don't count as dinner, Laf," I told him, pulling a frozen pizza out of the fridge. "How about frozen pizza?"

Laf shrugged. "Alright."

"Fine by me!" Herc yelled from the shower.

"Pizza it is," I declared, ripping open the packaging.

"It would be nice, though," Laf said wistfully, "to go on double dates with my sister-in-law and my best friend."

I choked on air. " _Sister-in-law?_ " I turned away from the oven to raise an eyebrow at him questioningly.

Laf, realizing what he had just said, turned bright red. "I-I mean, _future_ sister-in-law," he stuttered, his French accent getting thicker.

"Future?"

He blushed even harder. "I mean, if Peggy and I are still a couple, it will eventually lead to marriage, non?" he asked quietly. Lafayette was _never_ quiet. I could tell he was serious about this. "Of course," he added quickly, "I won't propose to her _now_. Like, after we graduate from college."

I smiled at him. "It's actually kinda cute, how you're thinking about your future with Peggy already."

"Enough about me and Peggy!" he said. "How about we discuss _your_ future with Eliza?"

We stopped talking after that.

* * *

 _I was in Nevis again. It was 1 in the morning. Mom and I were huddled together in our bedroom. Our skin and eyes were colored yellow due to jaundice, which was a result of yellow fever._

" _Mom?" I asked timidly._

" _Yes, Alex?" Her voice was barely a whisper._

" _Are we going to die?"_

 _She stroked my cheek gently. "I promise you won't die," she said, smiling weakly at me._

" _W-what about you, Mom? Mom?"_

 _She looked at me, and I saw how tired she was. I saw the pain in her eyes, and I saw that she was fading._

" _Alex, I'm so sorry," she said in a raspy voice. "I can't… hold on… much longer…"_

" _Mom! Please, stay strong! Stay with me!" I pleaded, but it was no use._

" _I love you, Alexander… I always have," she said. "Stay strong. Never give up. Live a… life… you can be proud of."_

" _Mom!" I screamed. Her eyes started to flutter close. "Mom! No no no no no no no!" I was hysterical. "Wake up! Please! Don't leave me," I whimpered. Where was James? He was supposed to be here with me, alongside his own mother. Where was that bastard?!_

 _A bastard. That was what I was, and what I always will be._

I woke up in a cold sweat. I wildly looked around the room, and was relieved to be back in our apartment again. I heard Herc snoring like a bear in his room, which, unfortunately, was right next to mine.

I got out of bed and went to John's room. He was always there to comfort me when I had these nightmares. I would wake him up, and he would hold me and—oh.

 _John's not here anymore, idiot!_ I scolded myself. _He's gone, and he's never coming back._

Still, I stared at his room. We had donated most of his stuff to charity, but kept a few of his belongings here, as if to create an illusion that he was still living with us. The bedroom was now kind of a shrine. His fuzzy blankets were thrown in a heap on his bed, since he never bothered making his bed in the morning.

 _What's the point? I'm just going to get them messed up again!_ He would argue whenever one of us brought it up.

Next was a sketchbook and a few pieces of paper that were laying casually on his desk. _A little too casually_ , I thought. John was always drawing, the way I was always writing. We balanced each other out that way.

After John died, Herc found the papers in the trash can. They were rough sketches John had thrown out earlier. They may have been nothing to John, but I cherished them enough to keep them. Even though they were wrinkled from being crumpled up by a frustrated hand, I could still see what the sketches were supposed to be. One had the rough outline of a sea turtle, the pattern on its shell only one-third done. Another sketch was of me sleeping on my laptop. I still wondered when that happened. The third and last sketch was just a random pattern of swirls and curving lines.

I looked at the sketchbook. It had a turtle-themed cover with the initials "J.L." written in sharpie in the top left hand corner. I tentatively opened it, revealing a strikingly realistic portrait of me. In the drawing, my eyes were sparkling with passion and determination, and I had on a smug smile. My hair was in its usual ponytail, except for a few strands that hung down the sides of my face. At the top of the page, I could see words written in John's scribbly handwriting: "Thanks for giving me this sketchbook for my birthday, Alex! Lov ya, babe! •3". I swallowed a lump in my throat, then gently closed the book.

The last item in the room was in the closet(I know this is supposed to be a depressing moment, but let's just appreciate the joke I unintentionally made there). I opened the closet doors, and found a worn green hoodie hanging on one of the clothes hangers there. It was the only one of John's clothes that we didn't donate to charity. On nights when I was feeling _really_ lonely, I would slip on John's hoodie and sit in his closet, breathing in his scent until I ended up falling asleep on the closet floor.

I decided to try that tactic once more, putting on the hoodie and zipping it all the way up to my chin. I snuggled up at the bottom of the closet and closed my eyes, expecting to drift back to sleep. Instead, I ended up getting more and more restless. Rather than comforting me, the closet walls made me feel claustrophobic, until I couldn't take it anymore and got up. I left John's room, still wearing the hoodie.

And so I did what any insomnia-ridden person would do in the middle of the night: I went for a walk.

Yeah, yeah, I know. A depressed guy like me, walking around outside in the dead of night, with nothing to protect himself except for his dead boyfriend's hoodie. Probably not the best combination. At this point, I didn't really care. I just wanted some fresh air.

I stepped outside the apartment building, and took in a deep breath of cool night air. I started wandering around like a lost, half-asleep zombie. Somehow, I found myself in the same park where we had played badminton just yesterday.

As I listened to the rustle of the leaves above me, I thought about all that had happened to me. I lost my father to debt. I lost my mother to sickness. I lost my brother to the carpenting trade. I lost my cousin to suicide. And now, I lost the boy of my dreams to a truck.

I sat down on a park bench and put my head in my hands. Why was I so unfortunate? Why couldn't God just let me be _happy_ for once?

I sighed. Tears started pricking at my eyes again. I furiously wiped them away. Haven't I cried enough already?

"Um, are you okay?" I jumped at the voice. I peeked under my hands and saw a pair of sneakers. Not wanting this stranger to see my puffy eyes, I kept my head down.

"I'm okay," I answered as evenly as possible.

"A-are you sure? You seem pretty upset."

"I'm fine." I didn't mean for my voice to come out sounding so harsh. "I'm sorry," I spoke softly. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

"It's okay," the stranger reassured me. I felt him take a seat next to me. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked awkwardly.

Despite my brain shouting "Stranger Danger!" over and over at me, I couldn't help but smile at this man's concern. "It's all in the past now. There's nothing you can do about it," I told him.

"Oh." There was silence. Then he said, "I know you're not supposed to share personal stuff with strangers, but if you ever want to talk about it, I'm all ears."

"Thanks."

* * *

 **So...some sad news. I'm actually going to discontinue this fic because I don't really like where it's going, and I want to focus on my other, better fanfics. I didn't really like the plot I had planned for this fic, so yeah, I'm not gonna finish this. Maybe I might change my mind in the future, but not now. Sorry for leaving you all on a sort-of cliffhanger. You can decide what ending you want for this fic(lol a fanfic within a fanfic). For me, the two main endings I was trying to decide between were 1)Alex and John meet again, reconnect, and eventually get married OR 2)Alex and Eliza get together, and John accepts that he should've stayed dead and somehow goes back to heaven(bc he basically came back from the dead in this fic). Let me know which ending you prefer more, or if you have a completely different ending that I didn't foresee:)**

 **Stay tuned for my other fanfics ~AJ**


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